Early Morning ThoughtsPain Syed POV
by ChryedLover
Summary: Quick one-off possibly about Syed's thoughts of Christian in the early hours of Dawn. 1380 words. Please rate and review! Chryed


**A/N: Disclaimer:**** Do not own any of the characters and belongs to the British Broadcasting Corporation! (Also known as the BBC :p) **

**Dedicated: ****I'm dedicating this to you machoists on the DS 'WFCTGIO' Thread :p You know who you are! But thanks for being such great friends! LOVE WILL PREVAIL! ;)**

**Be warned:**** Its depressing.**

**Sorry… I wrote this last night at 11pm when I was MAJORLY sad! Didn't stop until I finished it, so may have crap characterization, no there isnt a point to this fanfiction and ****yes it contains future spoilers.**

**So based on that… ENJOY :D**

**It may be a one off (probably is) but let me know what you think! I love reading your reviews! Also any requests of a FF? **

**Much love CC xx **

I blinked against the early sunlight, not ready to face the world. Not ready to face another day without him. I moved stiffly. Waking up, clinging to the edge of the bed seemed to be a new thing that I did regularly. Amira and I might as well be on separate sides of the world, given the gap between us. I either avoided as much physical contact as possible or when we did touch… I felt nothing but pain for him. Wishing that it was him in my arms. I turned, looking at the clock. 6.34am. It was Sunday 16th May. Exactly a month until his birthday. Only I would know it. The feeling of loss swarmed over me, unexpectedly. I fought it off, unable to keep my mind away from him. He was less than 5 minutes away from me but in every sense of the word, we were so far.

I sighed as I heard Kamil screaming from the next room. He was perfect, my little brother was. Christian had been utterly amazing. Apparently, he'd broken the door down to get into help my mum, had stayed with her, rang Masood, and relayed information from the paramedics when Kamil wasn't breathing. Not many people would do that. Even though my mother HATED Christian more than the devil himself, he stayed and my brother's life was indebted to him. He'd slipped off while we were gushing around both my mother and the newest addition to my family.

I sensed him leaving and had given him a small smile. Our eyes spoke in their own ways. I told him how grateful I was for him saving their lives, his eyes told me that he would have done it regardless yet in my heart I knew that he did it for me. His eyes told me that he was going now everything was ok and I thanked him again. He simply nodded and left MQ. Amira had bumped into him on his way out. She didn't hold the same presence that Christian did. She was nothing like him. I liked her a lot, loved her the way I loved Shabnam. The more I tried to force myself away from Christian, the more my heart refused. It was like North and South magnets, both repelling against each other. That was my heart and brain since I met him.

I breathed deeply. I didn't allow myself to think anymore. Christian had moved on. The pain ran straight to my soul in a swift moment. He had a new partner. Kyle. The pain almost blinded me. Or was that the sun? Nothing made sense anymore. It just couldn't. Everytime I saw him, his exterior oozed confidence and sex. But inside, oh God I knew he was a broken man. But Kyle was fixing him. I'd seen the changes highlighted over the last 2 weeks alone. His gorgeous smile was becoming more genuine, his aqua marine beautiful eyes were regaining some real sparkle, he was happy. But that was no thanks to me after all, I'd played him worse than politiicans and their expenses. I steeled myself against the next wave of pain which hit me in the gut. I pulled my legs into chest, desparate to contain myself.

Apart from love for my brother, I was emotionless and the only emotions I felt were in regards with Christian. Hurt, anger, sadness, or the most dominant one which was love. If I could change anything, I don't know what I'd change. But I knew that I would never change the day I met him. A minute smile tugged at my lips. "Syed", "Christian" "Muslim" … I mean I made a right prat of myself but even then I knew that I'd have a laugh with him. And we did, our relationship developed into an avalanche of passion, pleasure and pain. A one night stand was the last thing that was. Christian was like a drug that I became addicted too. Only suddenly, the withdrawals beccame harder and the fixes became complacent, no longer taking me to those dizzying heigts it first did. I wanted him even _more. _Quick shags turned into me trying to stay the night with him and even then saddened at the thought of having to go back to my double life. I could have spent my entire life in 15a Turpin Road and for the first time in my life I could see myself spending all day and night there. I didn't need sunshine, Christian was… _is_ my own personal sun. Why would I need oxygen when he is all the air that my lung needs? Water? Ha! Don't make me laugh… I heard Amira stirring next to me. It wasn't real. It was real. I'm trapped in my own personal nightmare and its my fault.

Wetness stained my cheek as I bit my lip stifling my sob. I want him. I need him. I can't live without him. My body ached from the pain. My arms wrapped tighter around me. I felt her touch my back and physically reconciled. I couldn't help it. I didn't want _HER _… I looked at the time again. 7.17am. It was a Sunday so I knew I could laze in bed until at least 10am. I closed my eyes, thinking off him touching me me, running his hands along my back, whispering into my ear, playing with me. I couldn't stop my brain, it was too late. I knew I'd pay for it later but right now, I was content in my own world with Christian. In our own bubble.

Closing my eyes tighter, I thought of Christian holding me. I was resting against his chest. His arms were wrapped around me. Our legs were entwined within the messy bedsheets. He was whispering in my ear. I was unable to sleep because it was already December. Time was running out. The wedding was becoming more and more of a reality. I was scared. So after making love, he'd held my exhausted body next to his, massaging my sides, whispering into my ear about how everything was going to be ok. I remembered turning into him, looking up in awe at him and asking him to tell me what he truly wanted. Even though we never spoke about anything but the present time, I needed to hear the words. I neede to know what he really thought. He'd looked away refusing to answer. I remember shuffling up slightly, bemoaning him about his height and asking him again. I'd cupped my hands around his face, forcing him to look at me. With a gentle kiss and a promise that I'd never hold it against him, he'd told me. Christian had explained our future and holding onto him like he was my lifeboat, I'd fallen asleep on his chest. And I awoke to him. Love coursed through me and I knew immediately that I'd never forget it. I'd never forget the words he'd uttered to me. They'd go straight into my heart, and I had them under lock and key for moments like this….

I opened my eyes my smile faltering. It was the past. I clutched the side of the bed as heartache, hurt and pain claimed me. Like previous nights, I wandered whether I'd swim to the surface.. but for the first time, a new thought struck me. Did I want to? After all, no life without him was worth living for.


End file.
